Friday, November 14, 2008

A Poet and Didn't Know It

For a while now I felt like Barista Papa and I needed some help with parenting, which by the way has got to be the hardest job there is! He was open to taking a class, but suggested we take a class that some friends of our had taken (something safe, with a proven record). Then, one day I saw a flyer for a class called "Mindfulness and Parenting: Finding Grace Amidst the Chaos." I tend to gravitate towards alternative/holistic medicine, so I thought this would be perfect for us. I should tell you that Barista Papa is not 100% sold on Holistic medicine. He reluctantly agreed to take the class with me and we just finished the classes this Wednesday. It was a 6 week journey that was truly amazing. It was one of those classes where you could sit and listen for hours and it feels like only minutes have passed. Yes, the class was about parenting, however it opened many suitcases from my past and brought up a lot of emotion. I realized that I need to work on me before I can expect to be the parent I want to be. Nothing like a little reality check and self discovery. At the end of the class, we were asked to bring a poem, picture, song, or something to eat that represented our journey through the class. Everyone brought pictures or artwork in and had short, but sweet things to share. It was my turn to share and I reluctantly brought out the very raw and heartfelt poem I wrote. (keep in mind, the original plan was for Barista Papa and I to do a skit, but he ended up with the stomach flu that the girls had a few days before, and was home in bed). I could feel my heart racing and the blood run to my cheeks. I wasn't 2 lines into it when the tears started to flow. I wanted to share the poem with you, but do remember that I am not a poet, and that this is just me wearing my heart on my sleeve.

Holistic Bullshit

I was standing in line when this paper spoke to me
It said, “Finding Grace amidst the Chaos,” and I said
Let me read a little more, investigate and see

This looks right up my alley, exactly what I need
Now comes the hard part. . .
Will he see what I see
Should I call him, send a text,
no an email will have to do
I’ll let him read it in his own time
And he’ll know what to do

Per usual the paper gets lost and so do my thoughts
Until soon after I get a call
Amy wants to know
Will we give it a shot

I make a promise to her and myself
I’ll let her know in 24 hours
Should be an interesting evening
Now I feel like a coward

This is it Barista Papa
We HAVE to let her know
The damn broke
And the excuses start to flow

It’s TOO much money, who is she
What are her credentials, what does she know
About someone like me
We are opening a Caffe, can’t you go by yourself
Better yet, we can “fix” this ourselves
I am sick of your holistic bullshit!

I say bullshit, bullshit, bullshit to ALL of your excuses
They are not valid to me
If you want something bad enough
You would make it a priority

Take a risk
You don’t know till you try
Take my hand and come with me
Wait and you WILL see

The first class comes
We make it on time
He sees what I see
Finally, reality
We are all fucked up in some way
Got baggage and luggage
Some still lost at baggage claim

I’ve come so far
Have a marathon to go
Half the battle is getting started
Now it just seems to flow

And now a big thank you to Amy
And all the friends we have made
What a life changing experience
I will never be the same

Oh and just one more thought
It loops back to the first class
When I sat there and said
I liked my hair, when asked
I have a few things to add
I like my confidence, my motherly instinct
And creativity too

Like I said this has been life changing for me
I’ll continue on with this journey
Sign me up for part b!

November 08

1 comment:

Mama Ginger Tree said...

OK, I left a long and meaningful comment and then blogger ate it. Dammit.

It said something to the effect of "thank you for making me cry on a Saturday night. Bravo or Barista Pappa for doing this with you. I don't think I could get Mr. Mint to commit to a six week class. He is full of bullshit. :-)"

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Self discovery can be painful, but is always good.